Waiting

Right now, I'm waiting. Waiting to begin our adoption process. Before I inadvertently offend anyone, let me tag onto the end of that comment a few disclaimers.

I haven't been sitting back on my blessed assurance (that phrase never gets old for me) but I have truly been diligently working on fundraisers, craft festivals, and events to help bring awareness and the needed money to bring home our daughter. Lots of time and effort have been put into each event we have taken part in. And God has blessed us. People have been incredibly supportive and giving. I am very thankful for where we are and that progress has been made! Please don't think I am complaining or not grateful. I'm just sharing something that God spoke to my heart recently and making myself publicly accountable in the hopes that this will encourage others, and to remind myself.

During my prayer time recently, God told me to wait. You see, I had been striving really hard to raise these funds myself. In MY own power, and in MY time. And that's where the problem lies. This isn't about me. It's about Him. And it's about our daughter whose face I have only seen as a picture in my head. A child that God specifically called our family to adopt. A child who lives in a country far away from my own.

It's time to wait on God to do something miraculous. That being said, this goes against everything in me. "That's not how it works, God." That's what I want to say. Because in my human, worldly-wise mind, that isn't what society would say to do or tell me what to expect. Adoption costs money, folks. Without getting into the ethics or the reasons why this is so, let's just take it for the fact that it is. And yes, we realize that certain types of adoption (namely fostering or foster adoption) are far less costly. While fostering and foster adoption are incredible, this isn't what God called us to do. China is where a piece of our hearts are, and where our daughter, whose name we do not even yet know, lives. God called our family to do something that many would say is a pipe-dream, an improbability, an impossibility. How will we do it?

I like to think of myself as a realist. Not an optimist. Not a pessimist. A realist. I see things for what they are and follow problems through to their logical conclusions. This gives me the ability to think of a problem from start to finish and how I can solve it. I'm a planner. I'm all about the research, brainstorming, and implementation of a well thought-out plan. Heck, just typing that sentence made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. (Why are you laughing? I'm not kidding, I promise you.) I'm not easily swayed by pessimistic thought and I also don't sit back and expect everything to work out exactly as I wish or hope. I like to think being a realist makes me a pretty well-rounded individual that can get things done.

But then God comes in and messes up everything. Dangit God. Why'd you have to go and do that? Mess up MY plan? Oh wait...this isn't my plan. This was your plan all along. Ouch. That one hurt.

So many scriptures about waiting are in the Bible. But we are human and we don't like to wait. We want to see it now, do it now, touch it now, feel it now.  As much as I like to think I know the big picture, or can see the plan from start to finish...I really can't. All I can see is what God allows me to, and from a very fixed point in time. I can't see all the possible ends to each decision I make. But he can. All I can do is do the best with the time that's been given to me. (Yeah, I totally just dropped some paraphrased Gandalf quotage on ya'll.)

Gandalf, blowing minds and dropping truth bombs since 1937

The road that you and I walk is infinite, of which we only see a part. Exciting? Yes. Scary? Undoubtedly. I've decided to take this time and direction from God to get my house in order. To wait and pray because this is the time I feel God is going to move on our behalf, if we are obedient. Reminder to self, right here and now: Wait. Pray. Wait some more. Pray a lot more. Let God handle it.

Family and friends, please join us in praying for God's timing through it all.