Day 95: Hello Darlin...Loss, Joy, Pain, Hope

Today is a pretty big day for us. Our agency reps are on their way to China now, and with them goes our care package (and the care packages of many other waiting families as well!) to our sweet girl and one family photo of us. It's our first "hello," so to speak, to our daughter.

While we have been waiting and dreaming of her, the reality is she does not know we are coming, that we even exist, or that her life will be changing forever so soon. She has no concept about what is happening. I pray often that God prepares her innocent little heart for all the changes that will upset and rock her world.

These changes are, as we are able to understand as adults, changes for the better. She will be an orphan no more. Soon, she will be a treasured daughter, sister, granddaughter, cousin, and niece with a large family, extended family, and church family who are eager to meet her. She will have access to amazing medical care (we are just a couple of hours from one of the best specialists in the country for her special need). Every year will be full of holidays, celebrations, togetherness and laughter. She will never be alone again. She will never again have to say goodbyes to the people who care for her and love her. She will have a family of her own.

But to her, this change will feel like yet another loss. This will be one of a series of events in which she will be moved and expected to start anew. This is the reality of the not-so-beautiful side of adoption. To heal, we have to bring temporary hurt, and hurt that a toddler just won't be able to understand. We already know she is brave...braver than most, and we have to ask her to be brave yet again. We are trusting that God will work all things together for our good (Romans 8:28) and most of all for HERS.

Now, as to why I titled this post "Day 95." Today marks the 95th day since we saw Rosemary's face for the first time. (We cannot WAIT to share her with all of you as soon as we are officially matched!!!) So it's very much on my mind that soon, Rosemary will be seeing OUR faces for the first time. Her mother. Her father. Her brothers. Her sisters. Her family.

Though she is still oh so small, I pray that just looking at our faces and seeing them through this far-off introduction will create in her a small sense of familiarity when we arrive in China in the upcoming months to bring her home and make her less afraid in the future. We put our picture in a bendable plastic frame that hopefully she will be shown to look at from time to time. I pray that the funny looking lady with the blonde hair won't terrify her too much if she's become familiar with the picture. If you're looking for a way to strategically pray for the adoption, please pray that God continues to prepare her heart for us and ours for hers and that our faces will become familiar to her!

It was truly God who led us to this amazing girl. I cannot wait to tell in detail about that story but feel it won't be done proper justice without being able to share her picture. We hope SOON we can do that. As soon as her file comes in and we are officially matched, we will let everyone know.

Thank you all again so much for your love and support. We truly cannot express just now much we appreciate each and every one of you on this journey with us. Your prayers and words of encouragement mean so much.

Love (Baby Don't Hurt Me) Part 1

"Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold..."
(Matthew 24:12a) 

"Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold." (Matt. 24:12a) This is a verse many of us have probably heard before...and like many verses in scripture, it deals with the state of the heart of man. What does it mean to have a "cold heart" exactly? What is love? Why is there such a problem with matters of the heart? 

I felt God speaking to me this week about love. So much, in fact, that I know I will fall short of trying to convey it all, but will attempt it nonetheless in this, a first of a series of blog posts on the topic. The Lord reminded me that of the three most essential gifts we have been given (faith, hope, and love) that the GREATEST gift of all is love. (1 Corinthians 13:13). It sounds super cheesy, I know, to think of love as not just a gift but the greatest gift. But why? Why does it seem cliche? 

Well, I have to think that true, real, unadulterated love isn't seen that often in our modern, enlightened society. Forget all the "chick flicks," the 50 Shades of Crap, er I mean, Gray, forget the Harlequin novels, the puppy love sappy metaphors and memes (seriously, if you post those on social media...just...spare us all, really), forget it all. Toss it out the window, because none of those things is love. Not really. A dim reflection? Probably. So what is love anyway?  

This came to your mind too? Yeah, I got sidetracked as well. 

I truly believe that human beings can't even define what love really is. Fortunately, God did it for us. According to Him, love is the following: patient, kind, not proud, not envious, not selfish, doesn't get angry easily, doesn't keep a record of someone's screw-ups, never is happy when something bad happens to someone we don't like, always is happy about the truth being told, always protects, never neglectful, always has an expectation for something good to happen, and never gives up even when the going gets tough. (1 Cor. 13:4-7, heavily paraphrased by me).

Wow...so basically reading that, I learned that I really suck at this whole "love" thing. I may do 2 or 3 of those things in the list of what God defines as "love" decently, and that's on a good day. And I do the exact opposite of most of these. Good thing that the number one attribute of love is patience...because I am quite sure God must have lots of patience with me!  

I know what you might be thinking..."Oh but Brooke...we aren't all so bad!" Sure, we see and even participate in fleeting moments of love---a newborn baby sleeping in his mother's arms, a father embracing his daughter, an elderly man fishing with his grandson, a stranger helping someone else in need, a wedding ceremony where we witness couples reciting their vows, tears being shed for injustice. The truth of the matter is, all of us fail miserably at conveying love on a regular basis. And the darker our world becomes, we see true love less and less it seems. Why else is the news full of stories about violence, death, hate, rape, inequality, yada yada yada?

Worst of all, for those of you reading who happen to be Christ-ians (aka "Christ followers")? Me and you? Yeah, we are the official worst at showing love than anyone else in the world. Don't believe me? Then why is it common knowledge that we are the WORST tip-givers to food service workers, the LEAST ethical business owners, complain the MOST about the needy and those on welfare systems, and spew EXORBITANT amounts of hate with our actions and words than any other group? Why are we the cynics? Why are we the laziest? Why are we the cruelest? I hate to be the one to break it to you...but we are very poor reflections of what we claim to represent. 

And that should bother us. And by bother us, I don't mean in a "oh I ate some bad salsa last night and now I have indigestion" kind of way either. I mean, this should be keeping us up at night. This should be spoken about from our pulpits. This should be the topic of conversation on our lunch breaks. This should wreak absolute havoc on our collective sensitive little Christian consciences. Bless our tender little hearts!  This should cause each and every one of us to flood the alters with our tears and rub our knees raw in prayer.

Guys...we're doing it all wrong. The ONE most important thing...and we're screwing it up royally. We had one job to do (insert meme) and we're failing. We've got to get this right. We've got to start now. Not tomorrow. Not next week. Right now. We've got to ask God to break our hearts for what breaks His. 

If you my friend are reading this, and you're not a Christian, I thank you for your patience with me in getting to my long and drawn out point. Chances are, you have met someone who said they were a Christian and they hurt you. They betrayed you, they lied about you, they rejected you. Maybe they used you, cursed you, cheated you, abused you, threw you away like you were nothing, walked away from you when you needed them most, made you angry, maybe even made you hate them and their so-called-God. 

Can I, on their behalf, sincerely and truly apologize? I'm sorry they (I) let you down, mistreated you, did all of the above and more that I didn't even name. It was wrong. I was wrong. There is no justification. Nothing I could ever say would make it right. I'm not here to convince you of anything other than the fact that we are supposed to be different. And for not being different...for not being all the definition of what love is and what Jesus said we should be known for? That is our greatest crime. That is our chiefest sin. 

And for all of those things I ask your forgiveness. I promise you can call me out when I'm wrong and I will welcome it. I promise to do all I can to be a better representation of the God who loves you desperately. I promise when I say I am praying for you that I really and truly take time to do it on the spot. I promise to be transparent with my struggles and my vices. I promise to be as much like Him as I know how, because that's the Jesus you deserve to see. 

And if you're a Christian reading this and you're angry...good. If you're convicted...good. If you're complacent...consider my drawn-out ramblings with an unbiased mind and heart and together let's change. Not for ourselves, but for others. The world is sick and dying and hurting and we can't just sit by and do nothing about it. 

First Steps!

This is a special post for us. God called us to this crazy, amazing privilege in April of 2008. Over the years, He's prepared us and reminded us of this call. And now He's blessed us to be able to step into this amazing gift. Yesterday, Feb. 20, 2016, we began the process to adopt.

The first of many steps...

This post is for you, my amazing daughter. I don't know every line of your face yet. I don't know the sound of your voice, or the curve of your smile. I don't know your past or even the circumstances of your birth. In my mind, I imagine the heartbreak your birth mother must have had to give you up. But I am so thankful for her. Because she gave you life. She could've chosen another way, an easier way. But she loved you so much, that she sacrificed of herself to give you the greatest gift of all...life.

While there is so much that I don't know, here are a few things that I do: I know that God designed you and lovingly formed you in your biological mother's womb. I know that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. I know that your very existence was planned before the creation of this world itself. I know that you have a great purpose and call on your life. And I know that by some painful, beautiful, merciful circumstance, that we were given the honor of being your parents.

Please know that we are not perfect parents, and we make mistakes. But we really do try our best to make sure that our kids know we love them and do everything we can to take care of them. (By the way, you have 3 brothers and 2 sisters...so it gets kind of loud and crazy around here sometimes, but you get used to it.) We are a big family, so we have a lot of love to give.  

I want you to know that God has already begun to weave you into our hearts. Whatever pain is in your past, whatever doubts and fears you may have either now or in the future looking back on this, please know that there is "no darkness so deep that His love is not deeper still." I want you to know that we will hold you through every storm. We will protect you and love you. Through the good days and the bad, you will never be alone. God has such great plans for your life. You have so much destiny and purpose. Even though we cannot hold you yet in our arms, He is holding you for us until we can get to where you are.

Until then, we are so excited to bring you home. You are so greatly loved. You are a child of promise. We will meet you soon and cannot wait to see what God has in store for your life.

                                                                                                                                    ~Mama & Baba

The Importance of Prayer

"I'll pray for you..." How many times have we said these words, or words like them? Prayer is often looked at as such a simple thing. A quick and thoughtful uttering from our lips to God's ears. When we don't know what else to say, we say we'll pray. But how long do we spend in prayer? In our hurried, everyday lives, what priority do we make prayer? The average Christian prays 60 seconds a day. If that's not a testimony of what an afterthought prayer has become in this modern generation...I don't know what is!

At the end of 2016, God convicted me about my own prayer time. As a work at home mom to 5 kids and a woman married to a husband with a high-demand job and involved in ministry...my days can feel so rushed. Sometimes I feel like it's all I can do to catch my breath. God called me to slow down this year. To take time to spend in His presence. Specifically, "get your house in order."

When I began to seek God about what he meant about getting things in order...the Holy Spirit impressed on me that a foundation of that would be prayer. Prayer and communication with God. Building time from the ground up in our lives spent in His presence. Let me tell you...prayer is powerful. It is transformative. It isn't for the weak. It isn't for the hurried. It is for me and for you.

Today I took God at His word. I stopped in my busy day and called my oldest child into the study and we began to pray. I set the tone with worship music playing in the background. And we began to just speak and proclaim whatever the Spirit put on our hearts. God showed up. He met us where we were. My youngest, who has been fighting sleep lately just sat back in my arms with very little fuss. He fell asleep in my arms as we just cried out to God. My 10 year old son came into the room. I spoke words of confirmation over his life about the calling God placed on him from before the time he was born. My son is very sensitive to the Holy Spirit. He began to weep under the anointing and prophesy. My daughter also broke down and had a word from God about having a spirit of fear, and trusting Him more.

I prayed for the things God laid on my heart. One thing specifically being a new house. We have a lot of kids ya'll. We need a big house. An even bigger house than we already have. I prayed and asked God to give us a bigger house. We've been working on our house we are living in now to get all the repairs that need made done and improvements. We have an awesome house. But we know we need to sell it in the next year or so.

Well, wouldn't you know it but not 10 minutes after we had spent time in prayer, Phil comes and tells me that the man who had come to deliver a utility building to our property today told him that he wanted a house like ours and wouldn't mind buying it from us in 6 months to a year. WHAT. Come on now...tell me God doesn't answer prayer and give confirmation?????? All glory to God!

Whatever he wants with this life, I want God to have it. God showed Himself true to me and He just continues to bless and increase my faith. I challenge you to spend time with God this week. Don't spend 60 seconds. Spend 30 minutes or 3 hours! God is moving and He's just waiting to bless obedience.

Family Pics, at Last!!!

We have been notoriously horrible at updating our family photos. So it feels like a huge milestone for us to finally have updated pics of our kids on the wall. And there's one that Daddy ordered at the bottom for our newest blessing that we just don't have home yet. All the feels!!

More of you, less of me.

This has always been one of my favorite verses. You know, one of those that you read and it just jumps out at you from the page. That's John 3:30 for me. I didn't know that God would give me more understanding of it the longer I walked with Him.

You see, in 2012, I was going through an awful time in my life. Everything felt like it was just falling apart. I was holding on by a thread to my faith. And then, God allowed me to suffer a miscarriage. I was devastated. Angry. Confused. Why had God taken even this from me? I wondered. It felt like my life became a re-enactment of the book of Job because my family and I were walking through a time of so much heartbreak and despair. I couldn't see why God would let this happen. I had served Him almost all my life. I had never doubted Him before. But now doubt was all I knew.

I begged God to let me just get through it. I wanted to turn against Him and just walk away. I even tried to do that, but God sent someone to me at that exact moment to minister to me to let me know He still heard. And I just needed to hang in there a LITTLE longer. So that's what I did.

Fast forward to 2014. God gave me our youngest child. My child of promise. You see, even while I had miscarried, God told me he had rainbows for me. He even gave my sister a dream of a child that would come to us during a season of overflow.

Our child of promise...sweet J. 

God, in His goodness, was faithful. Not only did He deliver us out of a terrible situation, He did much more. He gave us not only enough to get by, which was my prayer, but He gave us extra. You ever hear that old saying, "the devil has to pay you double for your trouble?" Folks, I am here to tell you. IT IS TRUE! God started crazy blessing us. We started dreaming again.

Have you ever been so low that you don't even want to have hope in anything anymore? That was us. I was scared to dream. Scared to plan for the future. God showed me I have to trust Him, even in the hard stuff. Even when things don't work our how I want them to. And suddenly, the fear was gone. I wasn't afraid anymore. Heck, I had already been through hell and back. And God brought me through that, so...what was there to fear now?

Since 2014, it hasn't all been easy. We had another miscarriage in 2015. And while I don't want to diminish that loss, it wasn't as hard as the first one. Why? Because I had really learned to not just say, but believe, "the Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord."

I remembered then, that God promised me rainbows. Plural. More than one. So He already had prepared my heart in a way for what was to come.

Since God gave my heart the ability to dream again...I started thinking ahead after the second loss. To the child God promised me. I already had seen that God would fulfill the promise. He did that when he brought us our son. What I didn't know, was that God had dreams for me too. And His and mine were not the same at that time.

Dear little E! One of my most favorite pictures ever. 

This is what I thought that promise would be. ^^ Another beautiful, healthy, biological child. One that would know his or her family from birth and whose life would only add to the family as a whole. My plans were to bring another of these precious ones into the world. 

But this was not God's plan. 

As I washed dishes that morning, I already was thinking of the birthday month for this would-be child. Wouldn't another summer baby or a fall baby be wonderful? That would fit in just great with our schedules and the kids with their school calendars. (Feel free to laugh at me here. It's ok.) 

"What about adoption?" The Holy Spirit spoke to my heart. And then a strange thing happened. My picture started changing. What was that verse again? Oh, yeah. "He must become more. I must become less." 

God had a plan, right from the start to bring my heart to that moment, at that time. The pain of the past just helped to amplify His voice. My steps were already ordered by Him to walk this road. A child, halfway around the world. A child God has already chosen to be mine. A child with a physical need that might very well make her an outcast in her own country. (My belief is that she has a missing or malformed limb.) She already has a name in my heart, and a face that I just haven't seen yet. God chose this beautiful one for my family and I. For us. We have the honor of being her mother, father, sisters, and brothers.

What a God we serve. A love that seems at times so crazy and reckless, but so full and so free. And His promise is that if we just "seek first His kingdom and His righteousness" that everything else will be added to us. Everything we need to accomplish His purpose. "He must become more. I must become less." 

New Year!

I always hate saying goodbye to Christmas. It's so much fun ringing out the old year and spending time with the family and watching the kids have so many exciting moments! And I actually get everyone to take a pic looking so dapper in the new clothes/kicks. hahaha

But the new year rolls on in and I am praying that 2016 will be a great one for us. Lots of small but needed house repairs are underway. The boys got new bunk beds which turned out awesome! I'm also praying that this is the year we are fully under way with our process and maybe, just maybe, EVEN MATCHED!! Fingers and toes crossed.

Today has been a bit of a challenge. Coming out of a weekend and going into the work/school/kids activities routine is a killer sometimes. Thank goodness for coffee.

If you've been following along and wonder what is new with our process:

We have raised enough funds to cover our application fees, parenting/educational courses (yes, even as seasoned parents of 5 kids, we still need special training to assist us in understanding how to help a child bond and connect with us who has experienced abandonment and trauma), and document authentication required by the state. If all pledges come through, we also have enough for our orientation fees as well. Woot woot!

Still more to raise and a long way to go, but it is a start. The biggest monster for us to tackle right now is the home study. So much time and footwork required with that that it almost seems scary. Taking it one day at a time.

We are organizing a used shoe drive, which we think is AWESOME . We are collecting pairs of used shoes of any style or age, so long as they are in wearable condition. Funds2Orgs has partnered with us to buy these shoes and pay us per pound for them. They, in turn, send them to third world countries which helps others who can't afford shoes and otherwise wouldn't have them. AND keeps them out of our landfills. Win-win-win.

Will keep everyone posted on drop-off points and dates/times as we receive them from those who have partnered with us. If you're interested, shoot me a message here or on FB and I'll send you flyers or whatever you need to get involved.

Thanks everybody for your prayers. Please pray specifically for patience for me, and for wisdom in each step of the way. These are waters we have not navigated before, and while that is exciting, it is also sometimes scary. So thankful God called us on this journey.

Waiting

Right now, I'm waiting. Waiting to begin our adoption process. Before I inadvertently offend anyone, let me tag onto the end of that comment a few disclaimers.

I haven't been sitting back on my blessed assurance (that phrase never gets old for me) but I have truly been diligently working on fundraisers, craft festivals, and events to help bring awareness and the needed money to bring home our daughter. Lots of time and effort have been put into each event we have taken part in. And God has blessed us. People have been incredibly supportive and giving. I am very thankful for where we are and that progress has been made! Please don't think I am complaining or not grateful. I'm just sharing something that God spoke to my heart recently and making myself publicly accountable in the hopes that this will encourage others, and to remind myself.

During my prayer time recently, God told me to wait. You see, I had been striving really hard to raise these funds myself. In MY own power, and in MY time. And that's where the problem lies. This isn't about me. It's about Him. And it's about our daughter whose face I have only seen as a picture in my head. A child that God specifically called our family to adopt. A child who lives in a country far away from my own.

It's time to wait on God to do something miraculous. That being said, this goes against everything in me. "That's not how it works, God." That's what I want to say. Because in my human, worldly-wise mind, that isn't what society would say to do or tell me what to expect. Adoption costs money, folks. Without getting into the ethics or the reasons why this is so, let's just take it for the fact that it is. And yes, we realize that certain types of adoption (namely fostering or foster adoption) are far less costly. While fostering and foster adoption are incredible, this isn't what God called us to do. China is where a piece of our hearts are, and where our daughter, whose name we do not even yet know, lives. God called our family to do something that many would say is a pipe-dream, an improbability, an impossibility. How will we do it?

I like to think of myself as a realist. Not an optimist. Not a pessimist. A realist. I see things for what they are and follow problems through to their logical conclusions. This gives me the ability to think of a problem from start to finish and how I can solve it. I'm a planner. I'm all about the research, brainstorming, and implementation of a well thought-out plan. Heck, just typing that sentence made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. (Why are you laughing? I'm not kidding, I promise you.) I'm not easily swayed by pessimistic thought and I also don't sit back and expect everything to work out exactly as I wish or hope. I like to think being a realist makes me a pretty well-rounded individual that can get things done.

But then God comes in and messes up everything. Dangit God. Why'd you have to go and do that? Mess up MY plan? Oh wait...this isn't my plan. This was your plan all along. Ouch. That one hurt.

So many scriptures about waiting are in the Bible. But we are human and we don't like to wait. We want to see it now, do it now, touch it now, feel it now.  As much as I like to think I know the big picture, or can see the plan from start to finish...I really can't. All I can see is what God allows me to, and from a very fixed point in time. I can't see all the possible ends to each decision I make. But he can. All I can do is do the best with the time that's been given to me. (Yeah, I totally just dropped some paraphrased Gandalf quotage on ya'll.)

Gandalf, blowing minds and dropping truth bombs since 1937

The road that you and I walk is infinite, of which we only see a part. Exciting? Yes. Scary? Undoubtedly. I've decided to take this time and direction from God to get my house in order. To wait and pray because this is the time I feel God is going to move on our behalf, if we are obedient. Reminder to self, right here and now: Wait. Pray. Wait some more. Pray a lot more. Let God handle it.

Family and friends, please join us in praying for God's timing through it all.

All Praise to God

I would be remiss if I didn't say that despite the good that came from the first fundraiser, I was still a little disappointed. Just knowing the long way we have to go, and the potential the event COULD have had, if not for the weather, kind of took the wind from my sails a bit.

That being said, a short time later, God stepped up (as He always does) and a dear friend pledged a donation towards our adoption for $1,000. PRAISE GOD you guys. This amount, combined with the sales already made via my social media and the Square fundraiser enables us to meet our first two financial goals.

Next step us the dreaded home study. This will cost at least $3,000 and will take several months to complete once it has begun. Please be on the look out for me at local craft fairs (upcoming for sure at the Laurens Holiday Fair!!) as well as social media. Also, if you would like to help in ANY way, feel free to message me on FB or via email: peacefuldweller@gmail.com.


And our You Care page:

https://www.youcaring.com/phil-byers-brooke-byers-444845

Thank you all again SO MUCH. We have made it this far because of YOUR support and prayers.

First Fundraiser!

(Special thanks to Ace J. for creating this AWESOME sign for us!!) 

We had our first fundraiser at Squealin on the Square this past weekend. Thanks to Hurricane Joaquin, the attendance was LOW. In fact, the lowest attendance I have ever seen at this event! Rain fell steadily throughout the day on Friday and it was a struggle to stay dry, let me tell you!!!

(Cutest kids around! But I might be biased...ignore the baby's missing sock b/c he threw it somewhere and we never found it. Gold star parenting right there folks!) 

The kids came out with Phil to show support and were excited to see us set up our table. They weren't able to stay though, due to the weather, so Daddy took them back home a short time after we finished setting up. 

After that, it was just me and my awesome sister (thanks Lisa!!) who sat out and braved the elements with me for the next 6-7 hours. Not gonna lie ya'll. It was cold. And wet. I have said it before and I will say it again: for friends and family who live up north, I don't know how you do it. It was 50 degrees and I was sure I was DYING. I had on 3 layers of clothes. Still frozen. 

Also, my hair tends to frizz and curl so I looked pretty awesome, as you can see. Hahaha! I have to laugh at myself. So, how did the night go? Let me break it down like this. 

The BAD news? As I said before, very few people showed up at the Square. I can't blame them. Many vendors cancelled or left far earlier than I did. Because of this, not much headway was made in donations/sales of items. Also...it was COLD. Oh and a fight between two young guys broke out right near my table. It was surreal seeing the police golf cart park beside me! I wish I could use emoticons right now to capture my reaction a bit better, but alas. Have I mentioned how cold I was? Oh, right. Yes. Ok, so moving on...

The GOOD news? I made a small profit! I am so very, very, VERY thankful for the kind souls who stopped at my table and ordered items or donated. Thank you! Because of you, we are closer to our goal! 

I also got the awesome opportunity to meet up with friends I have not seen in literally months, if not years. It was so great to catch up and share what God has done in our lives recently. In addition to this, I got to spread the word about adoption to several people who inquired about what the process is like. Even though we are at the very beginning and are new to this ourselves, it felt nice to be able to advocate and educate on the orphan crisis. 

Lastly, it touched my heart when a gentleman that I did not personally know came to my table and began to talk to me about our church's ministry. During our conversation, this man realized he knew my husband and yelled out to a few friends nearby, "Hey guys! Come over here. These are the people who used to run the Chord! They gave almost everything they had for God!" These awesome people then took their time to stand in the rain and pray for me. 

Let me be clear: I don't repeat this to toot my own horn or to give myself a pat on the back. I was truly HUMBLED that God used what we did to affect others in such a way. It brought tears to my eyes. The business has been closed for over 2 years now and still, people remember us and thank us for our work. Thank God, because it furthered his kingdom. If only those people knew my faults and my anger and frustration spent during those hard years. It isn't me folks. It's God. 

I don't know what it's like to be a pastor or a pastor's wife, but I like to think I have a small taste of understanding the joy of seeing your trials and tears be the water that saturates and tills the ground that the Holy Spirit uses to touch people's hearts and lives. That was by FAR the best part of the dreary day I spent.

As you can see, the GOOD far outweighed the BAD!!

For those who have been asking, here are some links to our You Care page. Every dollar raised will go towards our adoption fees:

https://www.youcaring.com/phil-byers-brooke-byers-444845

I also would like to personally thank the following:
Warrior Nations International Ministries: Our church. Your prayers and support has meant the world to us. Thank you for allowing us to use your NP status to save money on our booth and the privilege to share about the ministry with others. Their website: warriornations.org. Check out the live streaming of preaching and events as our pastor, Shawn Patrick Williams, travels internationally spreading the Gospel! 

Rob T., Ace J.: For the table and chair, and awesome awesome sauce signage!!

Lisa E.: Thanks to you and MyMy for braving the weather with me!! You guys rock. 

Arthur B., Matthew M.: For helping me break down and giving me a ride home! Bahaha! 

All who donated and purchased from our table! THANK YOU SO MUCH! 

Busy, Busy, Busy!

It's been pretty busy around here!! Kids have all started back at school and having a good year so far. Soon we will be going to PA to celebrate Aunt B's wedding and after that fall is on its way. I AM SO READY. Fall is my favorite season because the air is so crisp and fresh, the temperature is perfect, and the falling leaves are just beautiful.

Still plugging away on the phone cases. I have been so overwhelmed with thankfulness for all the support from friends and family. So far, I calculate we have made roughly $275 towards the adoption costs! There is still a long way to go, but this is a great start!

A lot of people have asked me about the process and about where we are at. So let me explain what's going on so far. We have pretty much decided on the agency we will be using. I've spoken with the director of the China program on numerous occasions and have done a lot of research so far to get a better idea of what we should be expecting during the process.

I have a rough outline of the expected costs and program fees which include travel and visas, lodging, governmental agency fees in the US and in China, etc. Roughly, we are looking at $26,000-32,000 in total cost. A lot of people ask me why the cost is so high. All I can say is that there is a substantial amount of red tape and paperwork involved and each time paperwork is processed, it comes with a fee. This doesn't speak to the travel costs and lodging while overseas and the visas and passports for ourselves and our adopted child.

Fortunately, there are a lot of programs in place to help offset adoption costs. We plan on applying for several grants and we even have a little bit of frequent flyer miles and such to use towards travel. And of course, I have been making and selling my artwork which has been a great start! While the cost is high, we are confident God will make a way and help us to raise most of the funds through selling products or fundraising and of course, grant programs. Please keep us in your prayers!

My general plan (and I say that lightly because I know all too well how God likes to change our plans) is to raise the initial $5,000 by January of 2016. This amount will cover our agency application fees, fingerprinting and background checks, home study, and parenting education that we are required to take. Most importantly, once the home study is complete and approved, we are then eligible to apply and receive adoption subsidy grants, which we will be pursuing as quickly as possible. We CANNOT apply for grants and subsidies until the home study is complete.

I will be sure to let everyone know when we have hit a goal for the fundraising process. As I mentioned earlier, we have made nearly $300 towards the initial goal of $500, which is our first goal. Super exciting!! Having small goals helps me to stay focused and encouraged.

I will be continuing to sell my custom made cell phone cases, paintings, and other artwork and over the next few months will be participating in holiday craft fairs and festivals. In addition, I have an Etsy shop open and have some of my work visible on Facebook. Thanks again for all your awesome support and prayers! We are so excited for this journey to begin and know God will be with us each step of the way.

Etsy Shop is Open!

Hey guys! Boy have I been BUSY. I never expected the custom phone cases to really take off like it has. Praise God!!

I have opened up my Etsy shop with my completed designs and have more on the way. I will try to keep everyone updated as I continue adding items. Here is the link:

https://www.etsy.com/shop/AdoptedOnes?ref=hdr_shop_menu

That's How Much You're Loved

So I have been working on crafting items to place in my online Etsy shop. I've been working in my free time (ha, right, "free time") on making items to sell. So far, I've got a couple of paintings I am trying to finish up and I've made some cell phone cases.

First off, BIG THANK YOU, for the overwhelming response to the cell phone cases!! I am amazed at the response I had from friends and family just on my Facebook page! Thank you all so, so, much. I have my work cut out for me this next week and I have a lot more cases on order. In case anyone is interested, I am selling them generally for $10 each (plus shipping for those who live out of state). Every bit is going towards the adoption.

Now, onto the real reason for my post today. 

I was reading some blogs online in the wee morning hours today (because my 15 month old still wakes at night, naturally). I found a really great family blog on their adoption from China. I love reading the stories of personal experiences! I saw on this blog something that really shook me. The following picture is not the one I saw personally, but is very nearly the same. 

Orphanage cribs 

Rows upon rows of cribs in an orphanage. So many cribs that they couldn't all fit in one camera angle shot. This wasn't the first time I'd seen this, but for some reason, it really shook me up. Though there were no children in the cribs, I knew that they were full of babies and children who do not have moms and dads, sisters or brothers, cousins or grandparents. They are alone. 

I felt very small. This road I am trying to walk has just begun, and I already see how much time, sacrifice, and expense will be involved.  And at the end of the journey, we will meet and welcome home our 6th child. But, she will be just one less. One in a sea of faces of SO many. So many still need homes. If it was physically possible to do, I would scoop them all up in my arms and love them and be their Mommy. Every child deserves a mom. A dad. A someone. 

I just shook my head and felt the tears burning my eyes and prayed, "God, I want them all." And then I felt him whisper back to my heart, "...so do I." Wow. Just one whisper from Abba broke me. I cried bitterly and deeply. As much compassion and love that my foolish, sinful heart feels for these little ones, oh how much God's heart feels it more. They are each so precious to Him. He doesn't want just one. He wants them all too. Each beautiful child that has ever breathed life either in their mother's womb or outside of it was crafted so beautifully and carefully by God. 

And He wants all of US. Orphan and widow. Mother and father. Slave and free. Haughty and reverent. There isn't one that He wants left behind. He wants to know each of us deeply and wants each of us to know Him in return. 

"Doesn't he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders, and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, 'Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.'" (Luke 15:4b-6)

This is God's love for us. So deep that it cannot be understood, explained, or described. So beautiful that it physically hurts. A love so reckless and wild, so consuming that it forsakes everything else to pursue. THAT's how much you're loved. What a privilege to hear His voice and to take part in extending that love to one of his precious little ones. 

Why China

Sorry it's taken me so long to get back to this post. With kids starting school this past week and finishing up some work here at home, time kind of slipped away from me again, as it seems to do so often these days. 

First off, I want to thank everyone for the positive response we've received regarding our choice to adopt. I have received so many encouraging messages and questions, and even got to share a little bit about what led us here privately. 

As I said before, I really wanted a separate post for the full explanation of what led us to adopt from China and how we made the decision to choose this country. 

For us, the story starts back on April 5, 2008. Phil and I were really blessed to be able to attend The Call (a prayer conference that's held all over the United States every year in different locations) in Montgomery, Alabama. We were only two of 12,000 people who got to attend this awesome time of prayer and fellowship that also happened to take place on the 40th anniversary of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s death. It was an AMAZING experience to pray beside our brothers and sisters in Christ for Unity and healing in our nation. In light of all the news of racial divide lately in our country, I like to think back to that day where all races were gathered together and were ONE in the body of Christ. We can do this, guys. 

Since there were so many people at the event, I ended up getting separated from Phil during a break and we literally couldn't find each other. I remember standing in the back of the auditorium when one of the speakers took the stage and began talking about the importance and calling of adoption. My heart was stirred inside of me, as this had been a topic Phil and I had talked about briefly before we had even gotten married. As I shared before, my mom is an adoptee. They had a call for anyone interested in adopting to come forward. As I recall, they were discussing adoption from the US, and specifically Alabama state residents. 

I felt a little deflated because I remember thinking, "Well, I don't live here in AL." And besides that, I didn't even know where my husband was at the time. Come to find out, Phil had felt the same stirring in his own spirit. I have often wondered if we'd have just met each other in the smaller group if we'd both responded at the time. 

Regardless, on the way home we kept discussing adoption. And we were excited!! We both felt strongly God had called us to this, but we didn't know where to begin. When I got home, I contacted Bethany Christian Services (a large adoption agency) and asked to receive information on their adoption programs. The more we looked it over and thought about it, the more we felt called to International adoption. I circled several programs I was interested in. 

I began praying about it and God gave me a dream shortly after in which I saw myself painting a tree branch. On that branch I could see a ladybug crawling. I knew this dream was something God had given me for direction, because He's always spoken to me through this sort of thing. 

A bit later (I can't remember how long it was), I came across adoption blogs of people who'd adopted from China. And I saw ladybugs on some of these sites. I found out that ladybugs are a symbol of adoption in China! And during prayer, God revealed to me that the tree branch represented a new off-shoot on our family tree. Isn't God amazing? He's the ultimate artist, choosing that similarity between He and I to speak to me. God had given me direction and it just took me a little while to understand it. 

So China was on my heart after that. I shared all this with Phil at the time. Afterwards, we went to an informational meeting in Greenville with another adoption agency and learned more about the process. I remember looking in the eyes of several of the attendees there, who looked desperate to have the privilege to become parents and ready to adopt. I felt a little out of place, and a little guilty to be honest, when we introduced ourselves because we were blessed already with two biological children at that time. Despite this, we were welcomed warmly. In the end, we found out that we were too young to adopt from China, which made me really confused and sad to be honest! The minimum age requirements to even begin the process was 30. At the time, I was only 27. Meaning that, at minimum, we had to wait 3 years to even think about starting this process. 

So between 2008 and 2015, God brought to us new dreams and experiences. I gave birth to 3 more biological children. I had 2 miscarriages. We began a business/ministry and poured our hearts into it. We experienced hurt and rejection in the church. We experienced financial loss. We experienced joy at watching the ministry we birthed lead people to salvation, deliverance, and healing. We felt the pain and joy of closing the chapter in our lives that led us from our 20s into our 30s. And finally, we experienced supernatural restoration and entered into a time of rest. 

I like to think of those years as molding years. Years of tremendous growth and change. Years that we were on the potter's wheel. God took the time to withdraw from us what needed to be removed and shaped us more closely into who and what we needed to be. And the shaping never ends! We're just spinning now as he gently shapes us for the next stage of life that we're on. 

God gently reminded me of our plans to adopt. Plans that I had all but abandoned years ago. And I realized that the roadblocks that had been there before: age limitations, finances, and even family size, no longer existed.  In the years that had passed, China had removed or revised some of the other restrictions in place for couples to adopt from their country. Previously, even the current size of our family would've restricted us from adopting there. As it turns out, December of 2014 removed that road block as well. 

That's not to say that this journey will not be without its obstacles. Adoption, no matter if it is domestic or international, is time consuming and expensive. There are literally mountains of paperwork and red tape that we must wade through. Every aspect of our lives will be examined and scrutinized by others. I am sure it will be quite uncomfortable.

Some will not understand why we would choose to do this. Comments will be made concerning the choice to adopt a child with special needs (94-98% of children in orphanages in China have been classified as special needs...ranging from minor to severe). Some will question the desire to pursue a program in which money must be fundraised to make possible. 

My answer is this: God called us here. And if He called us, how can we not answer? I don't want to have any regrets in my life about responding to His voice. How will we do it? I don't have a clue! Isn't that great? Ha! Kind of like how God called Abraham to pack up all his stuff and start walking without telling him specifically how he was going to get there. I know I'm going where God called me to go, but I don't know the details just yet. And I don't have to. 

1 Thessalonians 5:24: "The one who called you is faithful, and He will do it." I'm so glad I don't have to know all the details right up front. We're not really in control of those details anyway. All we have to do is follow. And that is a comforting thought. 

Back to the Grind

This is the last weekend of summer break. Say it ain't so. As I said in one of my last posts, this summer was so busy and full and that only made it feel like it was coming to an end even more quickly. But enough complaining!

E starts K5 this year! I'm so excited for him. His books have been ordered and in the meantime, we will be working through some of the curriculum I already had saved from the older kids. And C is in 7th grade now. And N is in 4th. This just isn't right. Everyone's growing up too quickly!!!

Off to enjoy the last few days of summer with my kiddos. Hope everyone else has had a great summer too. Regardless, it will be nice to move back into the swing of things for the school year and get back to our old schedule.

Raising Awareness

So many articles and statistics are out there concerning the state of orphans around the world as well as adoption statistics. These can be overwhelming, to say the least.

In an effort to begin raising awareness for these precious ones, I am linking to an article here that has a lot of good starting information:

http://learn.showhope.org/hs-fs/hub/351176/file-577809165-pdf/Adoption+OrphanCrisis.pdf?t=1439495481029

New Beginnings

"Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, "Abba, Father."

(Galatians 4:6)

I've debated writing this post for a while now. In truth, a big motivating factor for me getting back into blogging was so I could document the journey we are about to undertake.

I'll try to make it succinct as possible. But if you know me, you know how verbose I am and how I can go on and on about things that really interest me. I'll do my best, honest, not to delve into it too deeply.

Phil and I have been married 15 years now. That's a long time, folks! I can remember back before we tied the knot, we would talk about future plans and dreams. I am really blessed to say that of all the big plans that we had and big dreams, we have done most of them! Now, all those plans and dreams didn't end with rainbows and leprechauns dancing in a meadow and singing folk songs on a guitar. (Don't ask me where the mental image came from. Just go with it.) But I consider myself pretty darned blessed to be able to say that I followed dreams I wanted to pursue and dreams God gave me to pursue with my whole heart. Fail or thrive, I have to say that as a couple, Phil and I have always sought to pursue God's plans for our lives.

There is one dream and plan we talked about for ages now that we have yet to pursue. Either due to circumstances, time, or ability. And that dream is adoption.

I myself am a testimony of the miracle of adoption. My mother was adopted in 1952 and I am the direct product of adoption. Along that line of thought, it's really humbling to think about your own personal life quite possibly even BEING simply because of a selfless decision made by birth parents and then a decision carried forward to completely alter the lives of the adoptive parents and adopted child.

So it had always been the topic of discussion between Phil and I that adoption would be something we were definitely interested in pursuing one day. Fast forward 15 years and 5 biological children later and adoption is not only on the table, but at the forefront. Why now?

I am a planner. I love making lists of goals and plans. Financially, I had our entire next 5 years planned out. Plans to buy a bigger house. Plans to become completely debt free. I'm not knocking plans at all. I feel God wants us all to use wisdom in our daily lives. But personally, my life had become something I viewed as entirely mine. It was about me. Without even meaning to, I had taken God completely out of the equation.

I was loading the dishwasher one morning and often times I will pray or talk to God as I'm doing those little menial tasks throughout the day. I can't even remember specifically what I had been praying about or thinking to be honest. All I know is that I felt the Holy Spirit just drop into my mind, randomly, "what about adoption?" The thought hit me, hard. To be honest, I hadn't thought of it seriously in years.

But God had been busy in my life and in Phil's life. For the last two years, He had been restoring things for us left and right. Finances, security, peace. You name it, God was busy doing it. Thank God...He even is in the business of restoring dreams. (Joel 2:25-26)

As much as my heart jumped to the thought of being able to pursue adoption, I also reminded myself to be wise. I had to stop and consider this whole thought process. I prayed for a few days and kept it to myself. I asked God a lot of questions. What about my plans? I realized that this isn't about me. It never has been about me. It's about Him. And do I want my life to be lived the way I want it to, or do I want to follow what He's got for me? I already knew the answer there. And the bigger question I had to ask was...God, can I trust you again? Because last time I trusted...everything wasn't perfect. There were times I hurt. Times I failed. Times I cried. Times I lost. But then I remembered Romans 8:28. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." 

Hadn't God taken every bad circumstance and turned it around for my good? Absolutely. Hadn't God restored every single thing that I had lost? Yep. Could I trust God with the unknowns involved in following after Him again? Of course I could. So I let this dream begin to grow in my heart. I asked friends and mentors to pray with me. And when I decided to approach Phil, God had already been working in his heart on the topic as well. You see, God was already working behind the scenes. Isn't it just like God to upend our plans and give us something even better?

So again, it seems we will be pursuing what God has placed in our hearts. As I said before, I am big on researching and thinking things through. So the last couple of months have been fraught with number crunching, praying, reading articles, and finding out what requirements there will be involved.

The adoption process tends to be long and from what I understand, there is enough red tape to choke a bull. Despite all of that, we are excited! Our hearts have been turned specifically to international adoption. And even more specifically, China. I won't delve into those topics in this post but I promise to be more specific as to what led us in this direction in a new post soon.

We are hoping to be in full swing with the paperwork requirements no later than December of 2015. Please pray for us as we move forward in this process. Pray for guidance and direction from God, patience, and breakthrough to any obstacles we might come across. And if you have read this far into the post, you have my thanks! I will try to keep things updated here for those interested. Love and appreciate everyone who shares a part in our family's lives. We are blessed!

Summer Fun!

Much belated posts regarding our vacations this summer. We had a blast and our kids had what we think is easily the best summer ever. First off, our awesome and amazing French exchange student that became part of our family in 2012-2013 came back for a visit. It was such a blessing to see him again and catch up. I wondered when we first got to the airport if it would feel different having him back again, but I can honestly say...it was like he had never ever left. So many good times were had and I sadly didn't take enough pictures. I blame my broken iPhone.

Phil and Greg jamming...J joined in too. 

Now...on to our Washington trip in July. One word: HOT. It was entirely TOO HOT FOR HUMANITY. Seriously ya'll. It was so hot (how hot was it?) that I saw two hobbits throw a ring into a pit of fire. It was so hot (how hot was it) that I couldn't muster up the energy to take my picture beside JFK's memorial tomb because I was just too tired. I was like, "I'm good." So sad.

Anyway, besides how hot it was, we had a FANTASTIC time. I can tick off some items off the bucket list now. I've been to the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History!! How cool is that? We could have spent easily a day in just this museum but we were short on time. The exhibits were not only educational but truly beautiful. I will definitely go back because we only got to see a very small percentage of the museum.

I think the kid's favorite thing was the Air & Space Museum. It was pretty mind-boggling. So much history that covered early flight into space travel and there were really a lot of interesting displays that were interactive for the kids, so I really enjoyed watching them learn about flight dynamics, space travel, and there was even an interactive display where the kids could take a personality quiz that showed them which part of the NASA program that would be best suited for them, should they want to become an engineer one day! Very cool.

Here are C and L standing in front of the replica of Neil Armstrong in his spacesuit. There was an exhibit right around the corner from here which showed NASA in the process of preserving the historic "Man on the Moon" space exhibition space suit.

Now to the monuments in D.C. We actually got to walk up to the White House this time (last trip we couldn't find any parking and it was sooo cold) and were surprised to see a church group leading worship just steps away from the gate. It was a humbling and beautiful experience. We spoke to the members of the group who told us that they are from the local Korean church in D.C. and have been coming out to minister to people through music each Sunday evening. Great people with awesome hearts for people and for God.

Random alert: right in front of the White House there is a statue of President Jackson and when we walked up, we saw a cute little squirrel sitting on his arm. I thought this was kind of fitting because Jackson was a pretty crazy dude. I could totally picture him with a rabid pet squirrel. Wish we had gotten a picture of that!

 President Jackson...I salute you.

We also visited the usual sites: Washington Memorial, the Lincoln Memorial, and the Jefferson Memorial. Phil and I got into a debate over which Memorial was best. I say Lincoln and he says Jefferson. I think the kids ended up siding with Jefferson other than C, because she and I kind of LOVE President Lincoln. Nice to have someone on my side. We also stopped by Arlington Cemetery to view the changing of the guard at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. I have never witnessed a more distinguished and revered site. And appropriately so.

Either way, this trip was super educational not just for the kids, but for us as well. There is almost no cost involved at all, but there is a lot of walking to do. I would go back and hope to do so in the next couple of years. If you have ever debated going to D.C., please consider making the trip if you can.  There's something to be said about the history and solemnity of the city there.

From D.C. we drove a little farther to visit family in PA. The visits always seem to short because there are so many family members and friends to see and try to catch up with in such a short time. The kids have so many cousins there and I am pretty sure each night that they went to bed that they were completely exhausted (but in a good way) from all the playing and visiting.

Lastly, we were able to make the short drive to Niagara Falls. This was the first time we had been back in over 10 years! Crazy. The kids had never gone and they were pretty impressed with the site, as far as I could tell! I think Phil was on the verge of a panic attack because he was worried someone was going to squeeze through the bars and fall in.

Niagara Falls!!! 

If we are able to go back in the future, I would love for the kids to get to travel over to the Canadian side, because there is a quaint little town directly on the border there that I remember visiting with Phil years ago that I think they would enjoy. 

So basically, that was our summer in a nutshell. Of course we had the usual cookouts and BBQ's but, we got to do so many extra things (that ended up not costing us very much at all, so bonus!) that I think it was easily the busiest summer we have ever had. And it's over far too quickly!! Now we are back to the grind and gearing up for school to start for the kids next week. Until next year, summer! 

Too Many Bags!!! 😩

I love being a mom to a big family...except that is, when it comes to packing our bags for trips. I even dork out and make lists for each person but I STILL always manage to forget something! URGHHH. The struggle.

Still waiting on that inevitable load of laundry to finish up because lord knows I am always missing a sock or a tshirt that I end up needing. Looks like little sleep to be had tonight!

But hey, we are going to D.C. tomorrow so I can't complain much! And hoping Greg (our foreign exchange student visiting us on his vacation!) will really enjoy it as well!!

Back...Again! (See what I did there?!)

We'll now...safe to say I haven't kept up with this little endeavor.

In my attempts to return to the blogging world, please do not judge me too harshly. Life has gotten in the way, you see.

Since my last post in 2010 (hello, 5 years ago!) I have had 2 more amazing kiddos. I am now a mom to 5. You can pick your jaw up off the floor now. Yes, I am truly that "crazy." And guess what? I will almost certainly, probably have more kids! Feel free to let your jaw drop down again. I'm kind of used to that reaction.

Five years...so much change. So much growth! So much heartache, laughter, tears, joy. Life really is a grand old thing. I'm just going to say it. I am blessed. I don't care how cliche it is. I just really, really have begun to understand that simple little truth, right down to my bones.

I don't have it all figured out. Sometimes, I am a mess. Sometimes I am impatient, angry, frustrated, and annoyed. Life isn't a cookie cutter endeavor. It's more like a Pinterest fail. You know, it really LOOKED easy and fun before I got my hands dirty and realized I didn't know what I was doing! But, hey, we can laugh about it after, right? Right.

So I will attempt to let this blog be a little glimpse into the messy/fun cataloging of my attempts to raise these 5 amazing kids (and however many more God leads me to have) through life. And my attempts to teach them that God somehow makes it all work out for their good.